Fuzzy Logic
Lately everything has just been going wrong it seems. Usually when I get this feeling I can pin down why everything is going wrong. Perhaps in this case the reason I'm at a loss to explain it is that it is an amalgamation of various causes. Its just that for the last week I've been getting more and more depressed. I guess there are a few school related causes of this depressive state both during that last week and coming up soon. However, I don't think that its that. Perhaps its the amount of fast food I've got in my diet lately coupled with my utter lack of exercise. I don't know whether any of these are contributing factors.
My guess though is that it feels like my life is going no where. I know that I've come to school to learn so that after I get done and get my degree I can either get a great job or go back to professional school. I guess it happens to everyone when they have a long stretch of nothing to do. Lately I've been rather light on work, mostly as a result of being pretty on top of everything. So, consequently, I've had alot of down time. It just that as I sit here right now people are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan....whether they deserve to or not. A doctor rushes to make a patient comfortable as they slowly succumb to AIDS. I mean North Korea tested a nuke for fuck's sake. All the while I sit here. My legs are moving, my arms are pumping, my heart is racing and my brain and body feel like they've done a 10 round prize fight, and for what? Only to get an A on a test. A test full of facts that for the most part will not allow me to really succeed in every day life. A test that is design to make me think in a way that is different. Sure thats important. However, it makes me feel helpless to counter the problems of the everyday world around me. Here I am an engineer with the ability to move mountains (given a lever large enough and a fulcrum upon which to place it) and yet I still don't according this to institution or any institution for that matter posesss the adequate knowledge to join the "Real World."
I'm not sure that this rant has any real direction. I'm sorta free associating my typing right now. Just letting all kinds of feelings just run rampant onto the web. Its sweet cuz its like screaming into a vacuum. Just taking in my words and swirling them to oblivion.
My guess though is that it feels like my life is going no where. I know that I've come to school to learn so that after I get done and get my degree I can either get a great job or go back to professional school. I guess it happens to everyone when they have a long stretch of nothing to do. Lately I've been rather light on work, mostly as a result of being pretty on top of everything. So, consequently, I've had alot of down time. It just that as I sit here right now people are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan....whether they deserve to or not. A doctor rushes to make a patient comfortable as they slowly succumb to AIDS. I mean North Korea tested a nuke for fuck's sake. All the while I sit here. My legs are moving, my arms are pumping, my heart is racing and my brain and body feel like they've done a 10 round prize fight, and for what? Only to get an A on a test. A test full of facts that for the most part will not allow me to really succeed in every day life. A test that is design to make me think in a way that is different. Sure thats important. However, it makes me feel helpless to counter the problems of the everyday world around me. Here I am an engineer with the ability to move mountains (given a lever large enough and a fulcrum upon which to place it) and yet I still don't according this to institution or any institution for that matter posesss the adequate knowledge to join the "Real World."
I'm not sure that this rant has any real direction. I'm sorta free associating my typing right now. Just letting all kinds of feelings just run rampant onto the web. Its sweet cuz its like screaming into a vacuum. Just taking in my words and swirling them to oblivion.
posted by Vi at 12:51 AM
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