Busting Out the Soapbox
Throughout the years wise men have always said that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. For many people this saying is no truer than for the subject of dating. People within active and serious relationships sometimes contend that living the life of someone that has found the right person is not all its cracked up to be. They always say that you miss the single life.
Before I go any further let me regale you with the details of my situation. My birthday was September 5 and I am currently 22 years old. As much as it hurts me to say this I have never once had a serious girlfriend or even gone out on so much as one date (...And no Prom does not count. Especially since my date asked me out and though we had a good time we went as friends and nothing more). I've racked my brain throughout my life trying to figure out why I'm not a desirable single man. My first thought was that I was an uncouth, socially inept, and rather not so dashing kid. However, for that to be entirely true I would also have to have absolutely no friends, and I probably would have gone postal a long time ago. My appearance though was something that I couldn't explain away so easily. I mean fashion has never really been a big part of my life. I'll be the first to agree that in a truly professional situation you have to look the look, walk the walk, and talk the talk, but frankly I never saw the point in spending inordinate amounts of cash on shirts that you are paying more for the logo rather than the material used. Basically, my romantic life became a school yard game of freeze tag which is best described my friend Aashay Desai's post entitled "Playground Antics". Here is the specific excerpt to which I am referring:
I find myself a nice target and begin to move...slowly at first, but then I pick up the pace. However, once I'm discovered, my target turns around and puts up their hand.
"Time out!"
The sacred rule of Time Out cannot be violated on any playground. I have no choice but to freeze in my tracks and let my target do whatever it is they need to do. Unfortunately, in my case, they decide to go back into the school building.
So there I stand patiently, unsure if they'll be back to finish the game or not. I look around me and see that my team has made a few more catches but at the same time, the runners have filled home base (and many of them have left the game entirely to go play elsewhere). I glance around the vast field and breathe a heavy sigh while I enjoy the breeze in my hair and the smell of the freshly cut grass.
This "time out" problem doesn't just happen today, however. It's been happening for as long as I can remember, ever since I've been playing this game. Sometimes it's sunny, sometimes it's cloudy...and sometimes it even rains.
Today while I stood there, I wondered if I'll ever get to tag someone and see the rest of my team celebrate with me.
When I saw that I immediately thought "Thats me!!" Hearing this come from Aashay also was a huge deal. For those of you reading this you know what I'm talking about, but for those of you that don't Aashay ain't exactly the sort of the guy that should be single (sorry Aashay, but its true. You just are one of those irresistible bachelors).
By now no doubt many of you are wondering where the hell this is going. Well I did eventually figure out what my problem is. Its not looks, its not the clothes I wear, its not where I come from or even my funny name. Its my personality. I am too nice. Yes I did just say that, I am too nice to the girls that I want to pursue relationships with. From a very young age I was always taught to be a gentlemen to girls and to treat them with the utmost respect. However, that mentality gets you nothing as a high school and college student. Now I know that many of you are thinking "But women love men that are sweet!" Yes and you just made my point. Women love men that are sweet, but girls of a high school or college age do not. Girls want thrills, excitement and someone that will show them the time of their lives. They don't want the guy to actually care about them. It just makes things much more difficult for both parties. What really irritates me about the whole situation is that girls will pretend like they do want a nice guy. Specifically I'm talking about "Ode to the Nice Guys".
"Ode the Nice Guys" was originally written by Fu-zu Jen for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal (now called First Call). Many of you can probably remember an AIM profile or a conversation where this managed to sneak itself in. For those of you that don't know this "treatise" on how nice guys are essential was raised as the banner of every guy that fit its rather broad description. In response to this rather frustrating article I have my own ode to share. Its short so bare with me:
Ode to the Bad Guys
Girls are always saying that they want a sweet, sensitive guy that can sweep them off their feet. However, it isn't the knight in shining armor that manages to achieve this feat. It is you guys out there that many nice guys would call "assholes" or "dicks" that manage to go the distance. It is you guys that truly recognize the inherent fact of human biology that allows you to be successful:
Chicks fuck dicks
This genius and bold observation allows you to succeed where nice guys cannot.
So here is to you, the bad guys, for your super human ability to show contempt and coldness, and yet manage to get the girl. Your ability to manipulate even the most intelligent of girls to your own personal ends. And finally, your strength of character in being just nice enough to keep them coming back for more.
In closing many of you are probably saying "Wow Vi, it seems like you have it all figured out. So if this is the case, how come you're still single?" There are two main reasons that answer that question. I know the solution to my problem, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I just cannot and will not treat someone that I care about enough to want to date or be more intimate with in such a fashion. The second reason is the root of the first. I, unlike bad guys, possess one thing that sets me apart. I have to be true to my personal character which no woman or girl will be able to change because it is core of who I am. At that core also lies my conscience, and it isn't ready to give in so easily without a fight.
Before I go any further let me regale you with the details of my situation. My birthday was September 5 and I am currently 22 years old. As much as it hurts me to say this I have never once had a serious girlfriend or even gone out on so much as one date (...And no Prom does not count. Especially since my date asked me out and though we had a good time we went as friends and nothing more). I've racked my brain throughout my life trying to figure out why I'm not a desirable single man. My first thought was that I was an uncouth, socially inept, and rather not so dashing kid. However, for that to be entirely true I would also have to have absolutely no friends, and I probably would have gone postal a long time ago. My appearance though was something that I couldn't explain away so easily. I mean fashion has never really been a big part of my life. I'll be the first to agree that in a truly professional situation you have to look the look, walk the walk, and talk the talk, but frankly I never saw the point in spending inordinate amounts of cash on shirts that you are paying more for the logo rather than the material used. Basically, my romantic life became a school yard game of freeze tag which is best described my friend Aashay Desai's post entitled "Playground Antics". Here is the specific excerpt to which I am referring:
I find myself a nice target and begin to move...slowly at first, but then I pick up the pace. However, once I'm discovered, my target turns around and puts up their hand.
"Time out!"
The sacred rule of Time Out cannot be violated on any playground. I have no choice but to freeze in my tracks and let my target do whatever it is they need to do. Unfortunately, in my case, they decide to go back into the school building.
So there I stand patiently, unsure if they'll be back to finish the game or not. I look around me and see that my team has made a few more catches but at the same time, the runners have filled home base (and many of them have left the game entirely to go play elsewhere). I glance around the vast field and breathe a heavy sigh while I enjoy the breeze in my hair and the smell of the freshly cut grass.
This "time out" problem doesn't just happen today, however. It's been happening for as long as I can remember, ever since I've been playing this game. Sometimes it's sunny, sometimes it's cloudy...and sometimes it even rains.
Today while I stood there, I wondered if I'll ever get to tag someone and see the rest of my team celebrate with me.
When I saw that I immediately thought "Thats me!!" Hearing this come from Aashay also was a huge deal. For those of you reading this you know what I'm talking about, but for those of you that don't Aashay ain't exactly the sort of the guy that should be single (sorry Aashay, but its true. You just are one of those irresistible bachelors).
By now no doubt many of you are wondering where the hell this is going. Well I did eventually figure out what my problem is. Its not looks, its not the clothes I wear, its not where I come from or even my funny name. Its my personality. I am too nice. Yes I did just say that, I am too nice to the girls that I want to pursue relationships with. From a very young age I was always taught to be a gentlemen to girls and to treat them with the utmost respect. However, that mentality gets you nothing as a high school and college student. Now I know that many of you are thinking "But women love men that are sweet!" Yes and you just made my point. Women love men that are sweet, but girls of a high school or college age do not. Girls want thrills, excitement and someone that will show them the time of their lives. They don't want the guy to actually care about them. It just makes things much more difficult for both parties. What really irritates me about the whole situation is that girls will pretend like they do want a nice guy. Specifically I'm talking about "Ode to the Nice Guys".
"Ode the Nice Guys" was originally written by Fu-zu Jen for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal (now called First Call). Many of you can probably remember an AIM profile or a conversation where this managed to sneak itself in. For those of you that don't know this "treatise" on how nice guys are essential was raised as the banner of every guy that fit its rather broad description. In response to this rather frustrating article I have my own ode to share. Its short so bare with me:
Ode to the Bad Guys
Girls are always saying that they want a sweet, sensitive guy that can sweep them off their feet. However, it isn't the knight in shining armor that manages to achieve this feat. It is you guys out there that many nice guys would call "assholes" or "dicks" that manage to go the distance. It is you guys that truly recognize the inherent fact of human biology that allows you to be successful:
Chicks fuck dicks
This genius and bold observation allows you to succeed where nice guys cannot.
So here is to you, the bad guys, for your super human ability to show contempt and coldness, and yet manage to get the girl. Your ability to manipulate even the most intelligent of girls to your own personal ends. And finally, your strength of character in being just nice enough to keep them coming back for more.
In closing many of you are probably saying "Wow Vi, it seems like you have it all figured out. So if this is the case, how come you're still single?" There are two main reasons that answer that question. I know the solution to my problem, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I just cannot and will not treat someone that I care about enough to want to date or be more intimate with in such a fashion. The second reason is the root of the first. I, unlike bad guys, possess one thing that sets me apart. I have to be true to my personal character which no woman or girl will be able to change because it is core of who I am. At that core also lies my conscience, and it isn't ready to give in so easily without a fight.
posted by Vi at 1:42 AM
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